Peril
by SithMasterYoda
Summary: "Look, I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!" "Yes, he will beat us easily!"


The Tale Of Sir Anakin Solo  
(there is a great deal of peril in this story, so if you're afraid of peril, don't read this)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclamer: Sadly, I own nothing  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Anakin: Open the door! Open the door! In the name of Luke Skywalker, open the door!   
  
(the door opens, and he falls in)  
  
Girls (echoing): Hello.   
  
Tahiri Veila: Welcome, gentle Jedi. Welcome to the castle SELCORE.  
  
Anakin: Castle SELCORE?  
  
Tahiri (sad): Yes, I'm afraid it's not a very good name. (happy) Oh, but we are nice and will attend to your every, every need!  
  
Anakin: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?  
  
Tahiri (confused): The what?   
  
Anakin: The Grail, it is here.  
  
Tahiri: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper!   
  
Midget and Crapper: Yes, O Tahiri?  
  
Tahiri: Prepare a bed for our guest.  
  
Midget and Crapper: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Tahiri: Away, away! The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big.  
  
Anakin: Well, I-- I--I,   
  
Tahiri: What is your name, handsome Knight?  
  
Anakin: Um, Sir Anakin Solo.  
  
Tahiri: Mine is Tahiri. Just 'Tahiri'. Oh, but come.  
  
Anakin: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!   
  
Tahiri: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.  
  
Anakin: Look, I have seen it! It is here in this--  
  
Tahiri: Sir Anakin! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.  
  
Anakin: Well, I, uh, uh, um--  
  
Tahiri: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all   
between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing,   
knitting exciting underwear. We are not used to handsome Knights. Nope, nope. Come, come. (sees he's wounded) Oh, but you are wounded! (puts Anakin on a bed)  
  
Anakin (nervous): No, no. It's nothing.   
  
Tahiri: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down! (claps)  
  
  
(two doctors enter)  
  
  
Piglet: Well, what seems to be the trouble?  
  
Anakin: Thery're doctor's?!!  
  
Tahiri: Well, they have a basic medical training, yes.  
  
Anakin: B-- but--  
  
Tahiri: Oh, come. You must try to relax. Doctor Piglet, Doctor Winston, practise your art.  
  
Doctor Winston: Try to relax. (begins to take off his pants)  
  
Anakin (nervous): Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?  
  
Doctor Piglet: We must examine you.  
  
Anakin: There's nothing wrong with that.  
  
Doctor Piglet: Please, we ARE doctors.  
  
Anakin (gets off the bed): Look, this cannot be! I am sworn to chastity!  
  
Doctor Piglet (stern): Back to your bed! At once!  
  
Anakin: Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail!  
  
Doctor Piglet: There's no Grail here.  
  
Anakin (leaves): I have seen it! I have seen it! (enters a new room) I have---   
  
Girls: Hello. Hello.  
  
Anakin: Oh.  
  
Girls: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.  
  
Anakin (sees someone): Tahiri!  
  
Zoot: No, I am Tahiri's twin sister, Zoot.  
  
Anakin: Well, I--, uh, excuse me--  
  
Zoot: Where are you going?  
  
Anakin: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!!  
  
Zoot (realizes something): Oh, no! Bad, bad Tahiri!  
  
Anakin: What is it?  
  
Zoot: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Tahiri! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is Grail-shaped.  
It's not the first time we've had this problem.  
  
Anakin: It's not the real Grail?!!  
  
Zoot: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Tahiri! She is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in castle SELCORE, we have but one punishment for  
setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her.  
  
Girls: A spanking! A spanking!  
  
Zoot: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me.  
  
Girls: And me! And me! And me! And me!  
  
Zoot: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex!  
  
Girls (screaming with delight): The oral sex! The oral sex!  
  
Anakin: Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer.  
  
  
  
(Kyp Durron enters with two random Jedi Knights)   
  
  
  
Kyp: Sir Anakin!  
  
Anakin: Oh, hello.  
  
Kyp: Quick!  
  
Anakin: What?  
  
Kyp: Quick!  
  
Anakn: Why?  
  
Kyp: You are in great peril!  
  
Zoot: No, he isn't!!  
  
Kyp (brings his lightsaber up): Silence, foul temptress!  
  
Anakin (pushes Kyp's lightsaber down): You know, she's got a point.  
  
Kyp: Come! We will cover your escape!  
  
Anakin: Look, I'm fine!  
  
Kyp: Come on!  
  
Girls: Sir Anakin!  
  
Anakin: No, look! I can tackle this lot single-handed!  
  
Girls: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!  
  
Kyp: No, Sir Anakin! Come on!  
  
Anakin: No! Really, I can handle this lot easily.  
  
Kyp: No! Quick! Quick!  
  
Anakin: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!  
  
Zoot: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance!  
  
Girls: We haven't a chance! He will beat us easily............   
  
  
  
(Kyp and Anakin and the other Jedi leave and shut the door.)  
  
  
  
Zoot: Oh, shit.  
  
  
  
Kyp: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.  
  
Anakin: I don't think I was.  
  
Kyp: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.  
  
Anakin: Look, let me go back and face the peril.  
  
Kyp: No, it's too perilous.  
  
Anakin: Look, it's my duty as a Jedi Knight to sample as much peril as I can.  
  
Kyp: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!  
  
Anakin: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?  
  
Kyp: No, it's unhealthy.  
  
Anakin: I'll bet you're gay.  
  
  
(a fairly short pause)  
  
  
Kyp: No, I'm not.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END. 


End file.
